Reignite Your Relationship By Learning Your Style
February 15, 2021
Written by Casey Hersch, LCSW
Relationships are difficult and rewarding at the same time.
We all want to find ways to make relationships easier and more fulfilling. However, the quest begins with some insight into our own relationship patterns.
When I went through a tumultuous relationship, a colleague gave me a book written by Dr. Sue Johnson called Hold Me Tight. As I held onto every word I found myself saying, "This is me! I act the same way!" As I started to understand my relationship style and how and why I react the way that I do, I began to choose healthier relationships and I stopped feeling broken. I found a map for how to be a better partner while beginning to heal my past at the same time.
What is your default: Find the Bad Guy? The Protest Polka? Fight and Freeze?
Ultimately, in every relationship we have patterns for how we respond to our partners, which are rooted in our childhoods and families of origin. We get stuck in unconscious and unhealthy cycles, reacting the same ways over and over, and wondering why the relationship feels stuck, broken, or unfullfilling. Dr. Sue Johnson calls some of those patterns Demon Dialogues and offers a brief quiz to help people explore how they respond during relationship conflicts. I highly recommend picking up your copy of Hold Me Tight. The book changed my life!
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